Ella's first birthday!

My sweetest Ella Belle. You had such a great first birthday! We had a HUGE birthday party complete with bounce house, candy bar and yummy food and cupcakes. On the menu was Ham and Swiss sammy sliders, mini fruit pizza's complete with a rainbow fruit tray and yummy fruit dip, texas sushi, and lots and lots of candy and junk food. You had your very own cake that was a ladybug and you LOVED it! You got lots of gifts and we had a great time.

You have lost some weight which really concerns me, you don't like the bottle anymore but have no teeth to eat solids, but want to so bad. You HATE baby food and have caught on the we are putting it in the bottle so we had to stop that. You are on special formula that is 30 calories per ounce and I beef that up even more. You LOVE cheerios and stawberries. You are 15 pounds and 26 and a half inches long. You are crawling super fast and standing and walking along the couch. Your favorite toy is your picnic basket Aunt Meg got you for your birthday. We love you baby girl! You are so special!

Isaiah is four!

My little man turned four on September 28th. He is getting so big and is really such a big boy. Here are some stats on my miracle boy.

Height; 40.5 inches
Weight: 37.0 pounds
Fave food. Grilled cheese, papa john's pizza, grapes, mandarin oranges and strawberry milk.
Fave movie: Dispicable Me.
Fave tv show: Lazytown
Fave toy: Your new Ipad you got for your birthday.
Fave game on said Ipad: angry birds.
I love you sweet boy!
Mommy<3

(un)broken heart

You know God has such a way to protect us, sometimes it takes my breath. Last week we had a cardio appt for miss Ella. I was told from day one she had a heart murmur, her pedi could not hear it so I thought no bid deal, we will go to the cadrio appt and get it checked, it's gone and that will be that. Um. yeah. NOT that easy. So we go in and Ella get a EKG, no biggie dr comes in says so about this HOLE IN HER HEART. UM? WHA? HOLE? no. The dr thought I knew. I didn't. cue--PANIC. She calmed me down, explained things to me, and took us to the ultrasound room. Let me just clarify here, never ever have I gotten good news in these "types" of rooms, always oh sorry your baby has no heartbeat, you have to have surgery to remove said baby from your uterus. So you know I was thinking, great--here we go. Well thank God I was wrong. Everything is fine, hole is gone and Ella's heart is perfect. And that folks is how God protected me, he knows I am a worrier I worry about everything. I try not to,but alas I do. And something this major, oh buddy I would have had a field day with it. Moral of the story,sometimes it is better to be uninformed. This time at least.

I'm a total slacker.

I wanted to do this for my kids, keep track of things going on..I'm slacking! But I can say they are clean, fed, bathed and loved on every.single.day. These babies are my life!


August 10th I got a call from DCS saying that Ella's birthmom had signed over her rights. I was happy but still feeling reserved. It's not forever to me until my fanny is sitting in the court room on the hard cold chair in front of the judge, y'know?

Fast forward a couple of days, CASA worker shows up for her visit and TOTALLY bursts my bubble. She told me Ella's bm had 30 days to change her mind. I tried not to think about it, but I worry..that's who I am. Monday, Ella had a court hearing. Birthmom showed up (we totally thought she wouldn't) and judge asked he some questions,like id Ella had not been so medically fragile would she have done this...birthmom said no. Cue casa worker showing up at my house and saying that she thought Ella was painted out to be medically fragile when she is not, and bascially that if bm had known that she would have kept her. Cue more worrying on my part. Basically she is ours, but I have to wait the 30 days. We signed papaerwork yesterday and get fingerprints soon. We just sit and wait. Waiting is hard.

Ella is doing very well, she crawls and sits and is trying to pull herself up. She weighs 14 pounds 11 oz but still is not taking solids well, it seems to be a texture thing.


Isaiah is doing very well, we are doing preschool on monday, wed., and fri. he loves it. I am teaching him at home and today we did the letter "B" and fingerpainted bumble bee's. He is now 36.5 pounds and is growing so big and tall. I love him so much.

Some stats

I don't want to forget all the things that are happening right now so I am going to try and remember them and put them all here.

Isaiah you are 2 months shy of being a big four year old, you weigh 35 pounds and you are 40 inches tall. Your favorite food is pizza and you love your vegetables,even spinach! Carrots are also a favorite. You eat yougart every morning for breakfast, and then have a big lunch. You are talking like your dad and I, and never stop. I say "no way Jose" and you say "im not jose!" You like to play with you "men" and usually its one that fits perfect in your hand. You have learned to swim underwater this summer, and are mommys little fish. Your best friend right now is Jenica, and you ask about Patrick and Sara a lot. We read to you every night before bed and we are starting pre school at home Sept 7th. I am going to be teaching you and you tell everyone that. Your favorite cartoon is tom and jerry and your favorite movie is cars 2 or toy story. I love you Isaiah, you are such a sweet boy and you mean the world to me.

Ella, oh dear little miss Ella. You have come so far, When you came home you weighed just 10 pounds 8 oz. You weigh 13 pounds 10 onces last week. I am amazed at how far you have come, your hair is getting so long and you are so sweet. You started sitting up July 28th and crawling even before that (backwards) You said your first word yesterday DADA DADA DADA you love your daddy so much and its very sweet. You also said "Ella" and we arent sure if you did it on purpose or not. We love you baby girl, you are so special.

She's here!!!!!!

If you look back at my blog at the post on April 18th you will see I was praying and asking for a sibling for Isaiah and for my daughter, well it happened quicker than I ever imagined. God is so good, and I feel so undeserving. Baby Ella Grace made her presence 10.9.10 weighing a mere 1 pound 8 ounces and was just 26 weeks gestation. Her birth mom was unable to care for her, and she was placed in foster care 3.2.11--the day she was discharged from St Vincent's NICU. She is a miracle baby on so many different levels. At the moment I am trying to be a mommy to 2 babies. I am really busy, it is a big adjustment, and I am soaking up every second. For these children I have prayed. Thank you Jesus!! :)

3 and a half year stats.

Isaiah is doing really well. He was dx'd with asthma in November '10 and we started neb treatments as needed in March of this year. He says the funniest things. His favorite cartoon right now is power rangers (BOOOO) infact the easter bunny brought him a samuari sword for easter. We are now county foster home instead of with the villages. We did out home study and paperwork and all is finished. Thank goodness I am ready to bring our little girl home, where ever she is.

Okay Isaiah's 3 and a half year stats
Children's Growth Chart Percentiles Calculator
How is your child growing?

At 3 years and 6 months:

your child is 34 pounds, and that is
at the 61st percentile for weight.

your child is 38.5 inches, and that is
at the 51st percentile for height.

Hiatus

Last time I came here, my dashboard wouldn't let me blog. I'm back. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. Let me go back to one of my last posts. I want Isaiah to have a sibling, and at the time I took a break for prayer and asked God to work a miracle, and about 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. If I am counting right (that's sad huh?) this was pregnancy number 8. I said was. I went for an u/s and blood work and basically I was already not pregnant. I was confused. I was sad. I still am. I feel like every time a little part of me dies when I loose a baby. Now, with all that being said I like trying to make sense of things. Why God? I mean c'mon!! EIGHT babies God? Really? I am in a different boat this time though, I have a blessing, I have my miracle. I am BLESSED! God has places adoption on my heart again, I have been seeing these precious little girls everywhere I go and I am praying for God to work another miracle now, for him to make a way for our daughter to get to us. I pray for her everyday, just as I did for Isaiah.

Dear Lord, You are such a mighty God, such an amazing miracle worker. I am asking for our daughter to make her way to us. I am praying protection over her until she gets to us, I know your plan is a perfect plan, and since the beginning of time you know her and her story. I pray for her birth family, whatever their situation. I am claiming this in Your sweet name Jesus!
Amen

It is liberating and hard at the same time to get away from the computer.  I gave it a week, and prayed my little heart out. Still, no answer.  I know God will have one in his time.  I have no choice but to wait.  In the mean time, I enjoy being Isaiah's mommy.  I have no idea what I would do without him, the thought of it makes me feel like puking. 

And so it goes

I have decided after much thought to take a one week break from the computer, and any other distraction and fast and pray and ask God for direction.  Please pray for me and that God will speak to me. We long to add to our family,  give our son a sibling and it seems that after a year and a half God would have answered.  When I have prayed before I have felt that God has tugged at my heart to "wait" and let him show me his power.  I am 30.  I long to carry a child in my body.  Please pray for me.


Amy

Flu (bug)

The last time I blogged I had no idea I was about to be the sickest I have been in my entire life.  Fever of 104, hallucinations, the whole bit.  Not fun.  Isaiah tested negative at the hospital for the flu, I however tested positive for influenza type A.  Fun times. 


We just celebrated my nephew's first birthday this past weekend.  Both my mom and dad attended *gasp*  This is a big deal, because they have not been in the same room since 1988.  Too bad they couldn't do it for my sons birthday party, but whatever. 


We got Isaiah's "big boy" room done, it now holds a twin size bed instead of a crib, it was hard for me, but it was time. His room is done in spaceships and it's adorable.  D bought and painted all of it, so that makes it extra special.  It looks like we bought it from the pottery barn, it's so cute. 

Not that I think this is going anywhere BUT my mom called me yesterday and said she has a nurse friend at work (my mom is an RN) that is also a foster parent and knows of a 2 year old little girl who's parental rights were terminated and is available for adoption.  Only there is a a catch. Catch?  Yep.  She has siblings and they want to place them all together.  3 kids.  Plus Isaiah.  We just can't.  And that is exactly what I told her.  Sorry, we don't even have a house big enough, besides we only want two children anyway. TOTAL.  We would consider three, but that would only happen if I was to get pregnant--at this point I'm wondering if that is in the cards for us.  I know God might have other plans for us, who knows?  But surlyhe would make this house sell then right?  Right God?  Bigger house=more kids. 

Isaiah said the funniest thing yesterday, I was in the hallway and he was in the bathroom.  He said, Mama is yourrr pee pee bwwweding? (bleeding)  I said uh, no Isaiah, Why?  Because there is something with bwood on it on the toiletttt! I thought I would never stop laughing, then he said mama, I'm funny huh??  Yes son, you are funny.  By the way, still no period.  That red blood?  Bloody nose.  

Random

Yesterday afternoon I noticed our weimaraner Layla had swollen tear duct.  Weird? I thought, and went on about my day.  Fast forward to last night and I ask D if he sees the spots all over her and on her head and her back and sure enough she was covered in a raised rash.  I called the on call vet and was told it must be from the bath I had given her the day before and to give her another bath and some children's benadryl.  So off to C.Vs I went and got her some, and she took it like a champ and her eyes were like OMG, her eyes are swelling SHUT!  Good lord!  So, I was up all night checking on her, because by bed time her nose was swollen!! Poor baby.  So today in 10 degree weather I packed up Isaiah and another little girl I am watching today and off we went with Layla to the Vet, where I paid out the butt ($150 bucks)for a shot and some ointment for her ears.  So that was the excitement for today. 

I rented Alpha and Omega for Isaiah to watch last night, and I finished a book a friend let me borrow it's called the designated fat girl, and if you have ever struggled with weight, you need to read this book. D is working all week and all weekend, so I am going to find something fun for Isaiah aid I to do. 

Isaiah's 3 year stats!

 Isaiah is 3 years and 4 months:
 he is 34.2 pounds, and that is
at the 62nd percentile for weight.
 he is 38.5 inches, and that is
at the 50th percentile for height.

Favorite foods; Isaiah you are one picky eater! You love your carbs, and go crazy over the bread they serve at outback steakhouse. You also love peanut butter toast, Mcdonald's chicken nuggets and fries.  Applesauce, mandarin oranges, carrots, spinach (yes, I'm serious!) green beans (you call them green green's)  and cookies of course.  The only candy you will eat is plain M&M's. 

You have so much personality, you always make mommy and daddy laugh.  You also are pretty stubborn.  Your favorite cartoon right now is TUFF puppy.  We dvr it and you beg to watch it, and do so over and over.  You can count to 20 without stopping and we are still having problems with your colors.  You read about 10 words and we are going to start writing your name soon.


We are so proud of you sugar bear, you are growing so big and strong--a far cry from that 21 pound 2 year old that was so sick.  You are my sunshine. <3

Taxes and such....

I have to say I never understood why tax season was such a big deal before I was a parent.  Wow, it's nice.  I am again in the middle of feeling like I *might* be pregnant.  I mean I doubt it, but I feel like it.  Okay, that does not make much sense.  My lady parts (all of them) are feeling a little weird.  Here's to hoping. 

I have said before that I try to be transparent here, and I am having some issues with my mom.  My mom was not present in my life from the age of 6 years until about the age of 20.  No joke.  My dad remarried really quick to a much older woman (17 years older) and she has jealousy issues.  My dad was not around, not that he was out partying or anything, he worked as much as possible.  My dad made up for his absenteeism with money.  Cool when you are 10, not so cool when you are 20 and need your dad to walk you down the isle.  My mom has bounced from husband to husband, adopted 3 children, and made a mess with them as well.  Sigh.  I was not given good cards in the parent department.  They do their best, and I guess that is what matters. 

The reason I say all this is I am the parent they weren't.  That means I kiss my son every chance I can, and tickle him and tell him how much I love him.  Isaiah is an only child and it is so hard not to spoil him, we do spoil him, but we shower him with love and attention, material things will only end up in a landfill one day.


We still have not been back to church, and I have huge guilt about that, we need to go back.  I need to get over my hurt and move on. 


On another note, we are not getting liscensed with the county for fostering versus a hired company which means really that we get the first call about placements, and I am really excited about that!  I am going to do a double post today about Isaiah's stats, weight, height and all that. 

Transparency

I am feeling like I need to be transparent here, like this is the place were I can be; because in life you can't always say what you really think.  I feel like here I can.  A good example is my facebook account, I can't ever really say what I want because if I did I probably would not have any friends.  I have some personality flaws, and one too many times have said exactly what I thought and that has gotten me in some big trouble. 

I am not sure why I am saying all this but I guess this a "safe" place for my mostly because only one friend knows I blog and she would never judge me.  (Love you Renee) 

We got a killer ice storm, D did not even make it to work today.  We got a call at 1230 am from D's mom, we were fast asleep and the phone scared the poo out of me.  I answered and she told me she was stuck in her car in the parking lot at work, could D come get her?  Okay so a little background info is needed here.  D's mom has almost a non exsistant relationship with D or Isaiah, and does not really care for me.  Why?  Because I don't sugar coat for her, nor do I for anyone else.  Again, personality flaw.  It's me, and I am working on it.  Anyway, it always seems she only calls when she needs something i.e. money, car is broken, ect.   Now I am not complaining about her relationship with D however I do have a problem with her only having a relationship with her other grandkids.  Also, I have a problem when she sends me racial jokes, I have not said it here before but my son is black.  D and I are white.  I have a huge issue with racial slurs and jokes.  Anyway, D talked to her, got out of bed with freezing rain hitting out windows and got dressed and headed out the door.  When he got in his truck he could not get out of the drive, and called to tell her he was stuck too.  I guess she made it home, but we had to call her to make sure, she didn't bother to call us.  So we finally got back to bed at 2am and D had to work at 5 so he called and told them he could not get out of the drive, he was not coming in.

Today D shoveled us out, and we went to town to file our taxes.  We also went to Sam's club and then came home and had dinner.  Isaiah is doing good, honery as ever, but boy do I love him.  Next time I am going to talk about our going with a new agency for fostering.  Goodnight!

Ice and snow storm?

I think I jinxed myself....just last week I asked D when the last time our area had a blizzard?  1978!! This was 2 years before I was born and I am 30!  Anyway I casually said to D that we are due for ice, well looks like we will be getting it, they are predicting ONE INCH of ice and 20 (TWENTY) inches or more of snow.  I am not going to talk about blizzards EVER again.  Haha!!


It has been kind of a stressful weekend, lots of plans changed by my mother, and sometimes I get sick of fighting, and just let her have her way.  We had dinner with her and my step dad saturday evening and breakfast with my dad and step mom on saturday.  Today has been pretty low key, we took Isaiah to the library and got some errands done, we ordered carry out for dinner and I am really wondering if I should go to the grocery store, but it is almost 8pm and I am tired, and I have a new kid starting tomorrow and he is only a year old.  So that makes me have my own kid Isaiah who is 3, Jenica-3, Sara-3, Kyle-4, and the new kid who is one.  I am going to go crazy.  haha!

I know it is not realistic but I want to blog everyday mostly like an online baby  book for my sugar bear.  We went to play group at the library yesterday, the teacher read a book about a bunny rabbit and we made a craft, and owl with feathers(our didn't look like and owl)  haha!  I think we are going back today to get some books and play, I am trying to find different things to do during winter, and we usually go to Mcplayplace on fridays so who knows what we will do. 


If the phone would quit ringing maybe I could get this post finished! Haha!  I have a chiropractor appt.  at 3 and, today marks 14 days straight of working, and I am really tired.  I am really looking forward to tomorrow when D and I are both off work and we meet Nana (my mom) for dinner.  I need some down time. 

Dinner

D had today off, and it has been rough--Isaiah is testing us with behavior and it is so hard for us to discipline him.  Since D is home we are really working on it, let me say Isaiah you are giving mommy and daddy a run for our money.

Last night we had some friends over for dinner, Zach and his wife are really nice and they have two great boys, Isaiah had a great time playing with them.  D grew up with Zach, they have been friends since grade school.

Tonight my friend from grade school Allana and her daughter came over and we ordered chinese and visited, we had a good time.  We were suppose to spend the evening tomorrow with my dad and his wife, but he has to work late (as usual) so that is a no go.  Saturday we are going to Indianapolis to have dinner with my mom.  Lots going on as usual. 

Isaiah-ism's

Isaiah has so many funny things he does and says.  He tells me all the time "Mama my daddy is my son!"  Haha!  He also says "Mama you are so pretty, I like your hair."  He has said before he wants to be "mawwied" to me.  <3 the boy is my life.  We have to be really careful what we talk about in front of him, he remembers everything, and then repeats it later when we don't want him too.  Yesterday him and I had lunch out together, and then went shopping where he talked me into buying him suckers and ate them while I shopped.  When we were through at TjMaxx, we went to the library and I read him some book, he said very loud "MOM I HAVE TO POOOOOP!"  Oh, my.  :)

Sunday's

I should be at church but I am still not feeling so great, I think we will go tonight, my cousin's little girl Gracie is getting baptized.  We woke up about 8 and watched some cartoons and ate breakfast, Isaiah was dressed by 9.  I LOVE dressing him in the morning, he has a closet full of clothes and he always looks like a little model. I don't think I have mentioned here before but I am a coupon and clearance kinda girl, I love bargains!  I am finally able to use coupons and save 50% or more at the grocery store.  I feel like I need to be a good steward with our money, and this helps so much. 


I think Isaiah and I are going to go to TJmaxx today, and maybe Kmart.  Not really to buy anything, but to get out of the house, it is so cold but we need to do something.  I am going to see if the library is open too, he loves it there. 

I talked awhile back about not feeling at home anymore at church.  Isaiah was dedicated in September '10 at church.  I felt like I looked nice, and had a teenage boy who attends there make fun of me to my face.  He was talking about my calves and how muscular they are, I was wearing high heels and you couldreally see my muscles.  I have since watched other woman, and lots of them have this feature too.  I have always struggled with my weight, being thin really only a hand full of times in my life.  My step mom put me on a diet at 7 years old, made me drink diet soda and would never allow me seconds.  It has affected the way I eat as an adult, and the way now I parent.  I make sure if Isaiah says he is hungry he gets what he is asking for (within reason)  I think a child should not be on a diet. Okay, so back on the church thing--he made a comment and I was upset.  I addressed the comment with several people in the church and it never went anywhere, now when I see him I give him dirty glances, and I hate to feel that way at church for goodness sakes!  So, I don't go.  I need to get over it I know that, but it brought back that insecure 14 year old girl, and that was a hard time in my young life. 

Wishing it were spring--cleaning

Last night D and I watched the movie "buried"  it made me have bad dreams.  We went to bed pretty early and I woke up at 1130 from a deep sleep when I heard a loud boom.  I remember waking up with my heart racing and walking around the house checking things out, and something oddly enough had fallen off the wall

We are still part time co-sleeping with Isaiah, only because I can't let go he does just fine.  I feel like I am being a bad parent if he is sleeping in his bed and not right here next to me, and when he is in there I get no sleep, I am always going in there to check on him.  I think it all comes from loosing our babies, I still some days am afraid something is going to happen to him.  I worry a lot.  I want to be good parent, a present parent--mine were not, my dad still isn't and it hurts.


 I woke up early with a head cold and sore throat, but that has not stopped me so far I have cleaned the bathroom (including scouring the tub) mopped and vacuumed, grocery shopped at two different stores and now I need to go make dinner, comfort food--meat loaf and mashed potatoes. 

D is working all weekend, so tomorrow I am going to try and find something fun and cheap for Isaiah and I to do. 

About the baby daddy HA!

D and I actually always say we will tell Isaiah we met at church, it is actually quite the contrary.  Derrick and I met in December 2000.  I was 20, he was a "bouncer" at a club.  I was in said club--underage.  Looking back, I know now that God had plans for us, something I would never have thought then. 

 I was in an abusive relationship, and in the mean time D and I were really good friends, talking on the phone everyday, eventually loosing contact I got out of the bad relationship and went overseas (by myself at 21) all the way to Vietnam to be with my mom who was adopting my baby sisters, and had gotten stuck there waiting on immigration to allow my baby sister a Visa.  I stayed in Vietnam for 3 months, and during that time all I could think about was D.  I emailed a mutual friend of ours and she gave me his email address.  We began emailing back and forth and fell in love.  I left Vietnam and came home June 2001.  We have been together ever since.  It amazes me looking back. 

I feel so blessed to have D as my husband and the father to our children both on earth and in heaven waiting for us.  Even though we don't have to fairy tale story of how we met, it still shows the miracles God can perform, even in a bar. 

God is so good.

Outta the mouths of babes :)

I am really just trying to keep a journal of everyday life here, my blog is a secret blog :) 
Today we are getting snow, and we are staying in and watching, right now we are watching shrek2 and I am sitting on the living room floor.  Tomorrow is friday which means we are going to Mcplayplace for lunch and playtime.  I am going to try and take Isaiah to the library after nap.  This morning I had to wake him up at 830, I asked him if he was going to get up and come watch the cat and the hat (PBS) with me in the living room--he said, "It's up to you mama."  HA! really?  Last night I bought him some things from Old.Navy, got some hoodies for $1.76 each! I felt like I was stealing HAHA!! I went tanning after and D took Isaiah into the bookstore and when I got done I met them, Isaiah was reading a magazine with a  blond wearing hardly anything,and he said "WOOK MAMA"  haha, I asked him if he thought she was pretty and he said yes with his eyebrows. 
Isaiah has started telling me I am his baby and daddy is his "boy" Ha!!! Where is he getting this stuff?  I love this kid!

Summer? HELLO SUMMER?

We are expecting 3 to 5 inches of snow this evening.  I don't like to admit it, but I like the excitement of running to the store (with THREE (3) year olds)  and getting all the things I "might" need, you know the bread, milk, and errr um cream cheese! HA!  I am obsessed with bagels right now. 

Last night I got 2 phone calls from the police officer that was at the scene of the fender bender I was in last week.  A 17 year old kid in his old beat up camero hit my van, and he is now trying to say it was my fault, even though I was sitting at the stop sign.  I am trying not to get upset, I know the good Lord knows the truth.  Still.  UGH! 

Isaiah is doing really well, actually he is spoiled rotten.  I am going tonight to tan and buy some new clothes, Old.Na.vy is having a big sale with 40 percent off on top of clearance.  I need new clothes, since loosing 70+ pounds everything makes me look frumpy.

Today I am thankful for my health, my husband who loves me even when I am not so easy to love, and my beautiful son.  I am blessed.  

I knew it!

I went to bed pretty early last night.  I told D it was a 2 xanax day, which means normally I don't need any at all, but yesterday I needed to doses.  I hate to even admit that, but I have days where I miss my babies who are not with me.  I made a big dinner of homemade "sgetti and meatballs"  and garlic bread and a nice salad.  We had some errands to run after dinner and I went tanning, it always warms me up and relaxes me.  D took me through the drive thru to get a strawberry shake at steak 'n shake, and then we came home and played with Isaiah and got him in his jammies.  I was so tired I was asleep before 10pm.

Tonight we have church, and we have not been in quite some time.  That story is for another blog post, but I just don't feel comfortable there anymore, nor does D.  I love the Lord, but I feel like we need to find a new church.

Today is a better day.  I am blessed.

I've seen better days......

I am having a bad day.  You know one of those days when you feel like no one appreciates you. Plus, add the fact I started my period and yeah, that's me right now.  I am the happiest I have even been, but I am allowed bad days too. 

Isaiah is going through a not wanting to eat phase, and since he had such poor health and eating habits when we got him, I am the nutrition natzi and that is not so fun, I want to do fun things, not yell at him to eat his peas.  Makes me get this rage in my body for the old hag that was fostering him, and I want to go pull her out of her house by her hair and beat the crap out of her.  So yeah a good day. 






Tomorrow will be better. 

Well at least THAT is working....

I have been feeling really tired the last 2 or 3 days, like go to bed at 9 tired.  That is not me, I am a late night kinda gal.  Soooo, I started thinking.  I remember mostly when I was pregnant with Griffin and I was so tired I went to be before nine while on vacation in florida, I didn't know I was pregnant yet and later thought--well duh!!  So, I was hoping but woke this morning with bright red blood. 

We have been talking about a sibling for Isaiah, he loved having kids around--almost craves it, so I know it is def. something we want for him, and us.  We really would like to adopt again, and I would like to experience carrying a pregnancy to term.  Guess we will wait and see.  God is in charge here, he knows what is best for us.  I know from before when I thought I was in charge, he showed me I was wrong, and boy am I glad he did!!

Living the life....

I feel like I am living in a dream still sometimes. I wake and see this baby boy who is just precious.  Today we went to McDonald's play place--one of his favorite things to do. Isaiah has been asking for him own "twane" (train) just like Andy has in Toy story 3. 
D's mom is coming to spend time with Isaiah tomorrow and we are going out for date night.  We have been away from him only a hand full of times, for 2-3 hours at a time, and this took me 15 months allow.  I worked so hard for him, and my intentions is to enjoy every minute I can with him.  Life is so good, God has blessed my life with this sweet, sweet prince. 

The beginning.

July 28th, 2003 to be exact.  My husband D and I were married.  We had talked before marriage about babies and both agreed we wanted them right away.  Fast forward 2 years and myself being diagnosed with pcos.  We tried months and months of clomid, only for it to not work.  After getting the news we needed "big guns" to make it happen.  We made an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologists.  We met with him and were pregnant that month. We lost our precious baby girl, and were so devastated.  This was August, 2006.  We tried again and were pregnant again with a miracle baby boy, we were so thrilled we even had a name "Griffin"  We lost Griffin after a routine ultrasound showed his tiny heart was no longer beating.  I had surgery and his tiny body was ripped from my body. I was beyond devastated.  We waited, but wanted to try "one more time"  this time I became pregnant with triplets. only to loose them too.  We found out we were pregnant with triplets on what would have been Griffin's due date, July 15h 2007.  
After loosing the last pregnancy I became a different person, I was so depressed and felt like the breath I was taking would be my last--I almost hoped it was.

In september 2008 I had something heavy on my heart to become a foster parent, after much talk we decided it would help us save for an adoption and we started the classes and became foster parents. We had a home study and were licensed in March, 2009.  We had several placements including a 6 week old baby with a skull fracture and brain bleed, and then a teenager whom we were going to adopt until he ran away.  We were approached by a case worker from DCS in June of 2009 about a baby boy who was adoptable, and asked if we would be interested.  YES!! We met Isaiah September 3, 2009 and he came home October 1, 2009.  We adopted him April 1st, 2010 and we feel like we are the most blessed people in the world.  Without my son, I feel I would be on a road of despair.  I don't have words.  
Isaiah John Carter, mommy loves you, you have saved me. 

At this point